Jeremy and the Magic
Lobster
Jeremy lived out on Coney Island with his mother,
father, and sister Cleo. He'd inhaled the smell of the
ocean since the day he was born, and there was
nothing in the world he liked better than to go for a
walk on the beach.
Rain or shine, Jeremy hit the beach every day.
He watched ships in the distance, listened to the
waves, buoy-bells and foghorns, felt the sand and
water on his feet and dreamed about sailing. Beach
walks always made him hungry, and what Jeremy
liked to eat was fish. In fact, anything that came out
of the sea was just fine.
One day, after a particularly excellent walk,
during the course of which he'd seen a three-
masted schooner go by and a horseshoe crab
wandering around at the shoreline, Jeremy went
home and was delighted to see that his mother had
bought lobsters for dinner. They were on the
kitchen counter, still alive, wriggling their legs and
antennae. Jeremy inspected them. He was seriously
hungry and wanted to reserve the biggest one for
himself. One of the lobsters was quite a bit bigger
than the others. Its shell was almost black. Jeremy
picked it up and looked into its beady little lobster
eyes.
"Hey boss!" the lobster whispered. "Get me out
of this jam and I will definitely make it worth your
while."
Jeremy, startled, nearly dropped the lobster.
"Keep your cool, kid. That fat lady over there
might be watching us."
"Hey, that's my mother," Jeremy said.
"Oops, sorry. Listen boss...you look smart.
Think of something, fast. Get me outta here!"
Jeremy thought fast. He petted the lobster like it
was a cat and carried it over to his mother at the
stove.
"Mama, this is the most amazingly beautiful
lobster I've ever seen. Would it be all right if I kept
him as a pet and had a sardine sandwich for dinner
instead?"
Jeremy's mother shot him a strange look. "But
Jeremy, you love lobster. I got them especially for
you."
< 2 >
"Please, mama."
"Well, if that's what you really want, I guess it's
all right."
"Thanks, mom." Jeremy hustled the lobster out
of the kitchen and up to his room.
"Whew," the lobster said, "that was mighty
close. The water in that dirty pot was almost boiling.
Boss, you sure are one sharp character, and this is
your lucky day, because...I am a magic lobster."
"Really?"
"That's right. And you've got some wishes
coming."
"I do?"
"Sure, but I'll need a few things first. Like some
water — salt water — in a clear tank, so I can see
out. And please, please get these rubber bands off
my claws."
Jeremy rummaged around the house until he
found a decent-sized clear plastic tub. He filled it
with water and sea salt and put the lobster in.
"Brrr. Hey, this water's cold, kid. Go get me
some warm water, fast!"
"You sure are fussy," Jeremy said. "I thought
you lobsters didn't like hot water."
"Did I say hot? Warm, kid. Think vacation in
Florida."
Jeremy fetched warm water. Then he had to sit
through dinner eating a sardine sandwich while
everyone else devoured lobsters with home-made
mayonnaise.
Before going to bed that night, Jeremy leaned
over the plastic tank on his table. The lobster
seemed to be taking a little snooze.
"Hey!" Jeremy said. "I've thought up a wish.
How does this work?"
"Hunh? Oh, yeah...uhm, tell me...what're you
gonna wish for?"
"What I've really always wanted is a sailboat.
Nothing too big, maybe a yawl. I'd paint her green
and red and call her The Green Dolphin. I want to
sail around the world, see the southern
constellations, weather storms, ride out monster
waves, catch fish, mend ropes, get some tattoos,
smoke a pipe and play the accordion."
< 3 >
"Whoa, kid. Try to keep it simple. Here's the
deal...you want a sailboat? OK, go to sleep now and
dream of that sailboat. Then, with the magical power
granted me by Neptune, I'll have it out there waiting
for you just off the beach in the morning. Green and
red, just like you said."
Jeremy dreamt of the Green Dolphin all night
long.
Early the next morning, Jeremy raced out onto
the beach, expecting to see his new sailboat fully
rigged and ready to ply the bounding main. What he
saw instead were some tar-stained plastic bottles
bobbing in the low tide and some dead jellyfish on
the sand.
When he got home from school, Jeremy sat
down to have a talk with the lobster.
"Uh, to tell you the truth, kid, you forgot to feed
me last night. I'd like to see you conjure up a whole
sailboat on an empty stomach."
"OK, OK," Jeremy said. "Let's see, I read
somewhere that lobsters eat little fish, barnacles and
seaweed, is that right?"
"Well yeah, kid. Usually that kind of stuff is all
right, but a nice hamburger, rare, with some
smoked oysters and spinach and maybe an eye-
dropperful of your daddy's best whiskey...that'd
make me feel highly magical, if you know what I
mean."
"Yeah," Jeremy said. "I guess so."
Jeremy got all the stuff for the lobster's dinner,
then watched him eat it. Wasn't a pretty sight.
"Ah, delicious! Now, what was it you were
wishing for again?"
"A sailboat. Something with two masts, painted
green and red."
"Oh yeah...listen kid, why don't we start out
with something a little smaller? See, I haven't done
this for a while."
"All right. How about a sextant?"
"A sex...what?"
< 4 >
"You know: a navigational instrument, made of
brass, with lenses and a mirror, used to gauge the
angle of the sun at noon, or the other stars at
night. I got a book about how to use a sextant from
the library, but they're expensive and I don't think
my parents would buy me one."
"How big is one of these six-shooter things?"
"Sextant. Not too big. Like a camera, I guess."
"All right, you got it! Now let's get some shut-
eye, huh? Remember, dream about that saxophone
you want and it'll be here when you awake, all shiny
and new."
Jeremy woke up excited and anxious to go out
on the beach to take a reading of the sun with his
new sextant, but he couldn't find the thing
anywhere. He tapped on the lobster's tank and
woke him up. "Hey," Jeremy said. "Where is it?"
"Where's what, kid? You're bothering me."
"The sextant I wished for."
"Oh...listen, kid, I tried real hard, honest. But I
couldn't work my magic because I was...'cause I
was lonely."
"I didn't know lobsters got lonely."
"Sure we do, same as anyone. Here's what you
do...there's gotta be a fish store here in the
neighborhood, right? Well, you go on in there and
tell the nice man you want the prettiest little female-
type lobsterette he's got. Tell him to make her
about two pounds, with long hind legs, a fan-
shaped tail and dainty claws with rubber bands on
'em. You got that, kid?"
"Yeah, I got it."
So Jeremy broke his piggy bank and spent his
savings on a blue-shelled female lobster, the
prettiest one in the whole fish store, according to
the fishmonger. The magic lobster seemed highly
pleased with her. He winked his beady eyes, clicked
his claws and smoothed back his antennae.
< 5 >
"Ooh-la-la! Nice work, kid. She's gorgeous. You
drop her right on in here and then go get us
something to eat."
"Then will you get me a sextant?"
"Well, let's talk about that, kid. See, a sexton's
kinda complicated. I couldn't quite get it to look
right. Maybe you ought to wish for something
simpler."
"All right. How about a ship's whistle, on a rope
lanyard? Then I could at least pretend I was about
to board a sailboat for a round-the-world voyage.
Can you manage that?"
"Sure kid, sure. Ship's whistle. Nothing could be
simpler. Now get lost for a while. Me and this nice-
lookin' lady got to get acquainted."
Strange noises from the lobster tank kept
Jeremy awake most of the night.
Next morning there was no trace of a ship's
whistle anywhere in the house.
Jeremy got angry. "Hey, where's the whistle I
wished for? You said it was easy. Are you sure
you're a magic lobster?"
"Huh? Sure I am, kid. Of course I am. I just
forgot to tell you...I need some magic clothes. You
know, a silk top hat and cape and a black cane with
a white knob on the end that I can use as a magic
wand. What do you expect me to do, unless I got
the right outfit? Besides, I gotta look sharp for my
new girlfriend here..."
Jeremy put on his jacket, pulled the magic
lobster out of the tank and headed for the beach.
"Hey kid, what's going on? You sore? Just say
so. I'll try to work a little harder, I swear. You're not
going to sell me to some restaurant, are you?"
Jeremy didn't answer. He walked down to the
beach and out onto the long pier. The lobster began
to shake in terror.
"Hey kid, what're you gonna do?"
< 6 >
"I'm throwing you back where you belong.
You're no magic lobster."
"Aw, don't do that, kid. It's murder out there.
Nothing but other fish trying to eat me and
fishermen in boats trying to catch me in a trap. It's
cold and dark and it's tough to find food. Besides, I
am too magic. I can talk, can't I?"
"Yeah, but you're just a big liar."
Jeremy threw the magic lobster as far as he
could. It waved its claws in the air, made a splash
and was gone. A few bubbles rose to the surface.
Jeremy kept the female lobster as a pet. Her
bright blue shell reminded Jeremy of the sea on a
clear day. She didn't seem to miss the magic
lobster much either.
